Judy Price is Writing

Those who are fortunate enough to have  lucrative careers in this tough economic climate, may find that it is difficult to balance their workloads with their social lives, especially if they are in committed relationships.

This has always been a challenging issue for couples.  

However, roles were more clearly defined in past generations, with the woman normally being the nurturer in the relationship and the man being the provider.

Today, both partners might be working equally hard simultaneously, or one or the other might have a heavier workload at a different time, creating less togetherness as a couple.

As for any other issue in a relationship, spoken communication is vital to ensure both partners are aware of the stress each might be faced with at work.

Decisions regarding how this situation will be handled will determine the success of balancing work and relationship needs with one another.

When one of the partners has less energy and time to devote to the other, due to work demands,  it is important that the other partner have interests and friends outside the relationship as part of his/her support system. 

In fact, it is unrealistic to think that one’s partner can meet all of one’s needs in the relationship at any time. 

It is equally important that he/she be available when his/her partner has a lull in work, in order to be there and relate to one another, even if it is just to sit quietly together, have a shared meal or cuddle.

If one partner is a workaholic then the relationship could be doomed, unless this addictive issue is acknowledged and addressed successfully. 

An individual who is driven and obsessed by work has underlying psychological motivators that need to be uncovered if change is to occur, which can then help the person and the relationship to grow successfully.  

There can be no partnership with only one person contributing, as it takes two to communicate and maintain a relationship; albeit the time each invests can shift from 50/50 to 80/20 at some points throughout their lives together.  

The norm is a 60/40 contribution of time and energy investment flowing between the two partners most of the time.  Rarely is each able to contribute equally to the relationship at all times.      

Since communication is the key to ensure that both partners know what is happening with one another, and to make decisions to attain the balance needed for the relationship to survive and thrive, I will devote another entire article to this topic.

As I have been in a natural setting for the past week, it seems appropriate that the first post on my return would refer to this respite. 

A good friend has a family cottage there, which she has been frequenting since she was a child, and now I have gratefully been included in this experience.

It was not only a cooler locale than the city, but also more heavenly, with the moon and stars shining bigger and brighter than ever!

This particular lake is healthy, as evidenced by minnows swimming at my feet, aquatic plants hosting ‘mating wheels’ of electric blue damselflies, and a variety of ducks and loons swimming and diving around me.

Being immersed in nature, my spirit felt free as I connected with everything.

Simply a magical experience!

Back in the city on a rainy day, which more easily elicits a rather melancholy and nostalgic mood, I am finding the real possibility that I am experiencing withdrawal.

Here I am without the delicious desserts my friend prepared and we both enjoyed, the daily afternoon margaritas or more likely bottle of wine that we shared, the companionship of being with a friend, and most of all nature.

It’s clear to me that I must decide where to relocate so that I will never need to experience withdrawal from nature again.

Minnows swimming at my feet

'Electric blue' Northern Bluet Damselfly mating wheel

 

As I sit at the computer on a beautiful, hot summer’s day in July, I recall the hospital room I sat in one year ago today.

My mother lay there, as her spirit was leaving her shell of an earthly body.

The only thing I could do was watch, as I spoke softly in her ear, and encourage the staff to make her as comfortable as possible. 

She was sleeping, and then she was gone.

This has been a long road for twelve months, and one journey I know will never really end until I meet her again on the other side.

In the meantime, I will relish the signs she sends, and live my life to the fullest, enjoying the moments.

The waves do wash over me occasionally, yet definitely not as harshly as in the beginning.  I seem to be able to let myself go with them now, and surface calmer.

Yesterday I felt anxious and sad.  I couldn’t understand the reason, until I realized that my body was remembering how I felt twelve months ago.

The sympathy cards are laid to rest now, with my Mom.

The memories will always stay in my heart. 

My hope is, that as time passes, the sadness will lessen with the arrival of each anniversary, and the love I feel for my mother will infinitely grow, encompassing others.

Today with women marrying later, if at all, they are faced with the dilemma of whether or not to have children, with or without a mate. 

A woman’s ‘biological clock’, in large part, will determine whether or not she will become a mother. 

Whereas, a man can most likely become a father at almost any age.

Of course, a woman, a man or a couple could choose to adopt, opt for fertility intervention or surrogacy if faced with the inability to procreate.

There are many alternatives available today for women and men to consider that were not accessible to previous generations.

The main issue is whether or not one is prepared to become a parent, with all of the sacrifices involved, as well as the rewards of course.

Educating oneself through reading, babysitting, and caring for and enjoying other people’s children does not give a ‘true’ picture of a ‘24-7’ parental responsibility, especially required in infancy, formative childhood, and adolescent years.

Subconsciously, the norm is to repeat the parenting behaviour of one’s own parents, as this is what was modelled in one’s own childhood.

It takes a conscious effort to change and learn new patterns of behaviour in order to parent one’s own children differently, if that is the appropriate thing to do. 

The other issue to consider is whether or not one would choose to be a parent without the ‘right’ partner.

It is difficult enough to parent a child while sharing the responsibility, and even more challenging to do so alone. 

Without a loving, committed relationship with a partner who is capable of assuming a parenting role, one needs to think carefully before becoming a parent oneself.

This is an individual decision; however, one needs to be realistic before entering into the lifelong commitment of parenthood. 

There is no option of ‘divorce’ in the parent-child relationship.