Judy Price is Writing

Maintaining eye contact while speaking to each other creates a better chance of hearing and being heard.  It also instills confidence that the other person is interested in what is being said.

Leaning forward with open arms and uncrossed legs expresses interest in what the other has to say.  It also shows openness to listening.

Checking out what one hears, versus what the other person said, is important, as the feedback given can provide the opportunity to correct any miscommunication.

Assumption-making is poor communication leading to misinterpretation, as one tends to believe what one ‘wants’ to hear if the message has not been clear and confirmed as being interpreted the way it is intended.

This may sound like a lot of work, and just like any new skill, it takes practice before it becomes more natural, and hopefully ‘second nature’ as time passes.

When speaking to the other, especially if the issue is to request one’s partner to change some behaviour, it is important to begin the conversation with ‘I’ as opposed to ‘you’, showing ownership, not criticism, of the situation or person.  Or to tell the other person, “When you do … I feel … “, which also imparts taking responsibility for one’s own feelings as opposed to laying blame.

Following the above advice can greatly decrease the likelihood of a defensive reaction to what is said, and increase the probability of the partner’s understanding of the other’s perspective.

‘How’, or the way it is imparted, not just ‘what’ is said, can determine whether or not the other person will be willing to not only listen but respond appropriately.

Voice intonation and volume, facial expression, gestures and body posture, all combined with words, form ‘face-to-face’ communication, which is the best type of relating.

Written communication such as email, text messages, instant messaging and letter writing, all lend themselves more easily to misinterpretation, as there is little or no opportunity for immediate feedback to determine that the message sent is the one received. 

Non-verbal communication, which most experts will agree comprises the greatest percentage of relating, is lacking when the written word is relaying the message.

Telephone conversation and live-stream video conferencing, by providing more of an opportunity for feedback than the written word, can lead to improved clarity in two-way communication.

Of course, when relating to the opposite sex, there are male/female differences which come into play. 

Men and women generally ‘think’ differently, and therefore it becomes even more important to ‘check out’ what is ‘intended or meant’ with what is actually ‘said’, to ensure the correct message has been received.

There are personality styles that also determine how successful communication will be in each relationship.

Assertiveness versus passive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive behaviours has a better chance for success.

Communication as a topic has only been ‘touched’ here. 

Hopefully, those interested will investigate further, and perhaps take a course to learn and improve relating to other individuals, especially to one’s significant other.

The benefits of clear, warm communication with each other far outweigh the effort involved.

Through every aspect of life, in each type of relationship, the ability to listen to and to hear what another person is saying, and to clearly and honestly impart one’s own perspective, needs or desires to the other, will ultimately determine the viability and health of the alliance.

This is especially true of an emotional relationship when two people are establishing respective roles as a couple, with perhaps the common goal of building a life together.

Whether the couple is discussing mundane issues such as household task division, planning a trip together, explaining work responsibilities and how that might impact other couple activities, relating stories regarding past experiences, making any important decisions which can impact their lives together, enjoying shared activities in and out of the bedroom, or just talking about the day, the crucial element to ‘being on the same wavelength’ is to know how to communicate effectively with one other.

Communication is a learned skill, not an innate response, contrary to the belief that some may have.  It is a required course for any student learning to be a professional counselor.

Some people learn how to practice this skill more easily and quickly than others, probably due to previous exposure to good communicators as role models.

There are various types of communication which involve verbal, written, and non-verbal skills for those with normal sight, hearing and speech capabilities.

Other types of communication for people lacking one or more of the above senses involve learning specialized skills.

This article will deal with basic communication skills for people possessing the senses of sight, sound, and speech.

An important point to remember is that no one is a ‘mind reader’.  No matter how comfortable two people are with one another, unless one is ‘psychic’, there is no way to ‘know’ the other person’s thoughts without being told.

Over time spent together learning and observing one another’s habitual ways of behaving and thinking about a variety of issues, it is possible to ‘finish one another’s sentences’ accurately, a good deal of the time. 

Knowledge of the other person gained through perception and good communication skills can lead to a form of ‘telepathy’ between two people.

Before that can occur it is worthwhile to learn how to communicate and express oneself effectively with one another.

To be continued . . .

Those who are fortunate enough to have  lucrative careers in this tough economic climate, may find that it is difficult to balance their workloads with their social lives, especially if they are in committed relationships.

This has always been a challenging issue for couples.  

However, roles were more clearly defined in past generations, with the woman normally being the nurturer in the relationship and the man being the provider.

Today, both partners might be working equally hard simultaneously, or one or the other might have a heavier workload at a different time, creating less togetherness as a couple.

As for any other issue in a relationship, spoken communication is vital to ensure both partners are aware of the stress each might be faced with at work.

Decisions regarding how this situation will be handled will determine the success of balancing work and relationship needs with one another.

When one of the partners has less energy and time to devote to the other, due to work demands,  it is important that the other partner have interests and friends outside the relationship as part of his/her support system. 

In fact, it is unrealistic to think that one’s partner can meet all of one’s needs in the relationship at any time. 

It is equally important that he/she be available when his/her partner has a lull in work, in order to be there and relate to one another, even if it is just to sit quietly together, have a shared meal or cuddle.

If one partner is a workaholic then the relationship could be doomed, unless this addictive issue is acknowledged and addressed successfully. 

An individual who is driven and obsessed by work has underlying psychological motivators that need to be uncovered if change is to occur, which can then help the person and the relationship to grow successfully.  

There can be no partnership with only one person contributing, as it takes two to communicate and maintain a relationship; albeit the time each invests can shift from 50/50 to 80/20 at some points throughout their lives together.  

The norm is a 60/40 contribution of time and energy investment flowing between the two partners most of the time.  Rarely is each able to contribute equally to the relationship at all times.      

Since communication is the key to ensure that both partners know what is happening with one another, and to make decisions to attain the balance needed for the relationship to survive and thrive, I will devote another entire article to this topic.

Today with women marrying later, if at all, they are faced with the dilemma of whether or not to have children, with or without a mate. 

A woman’s ‘biological clock’, in large part, will determine whether or not she will become a mother. 

Whereas, a man can most likely become a father at almost any age.

Of course, a woman, a man or a couple could choose to adopt, opt for fertility intervention or surrogacy if faced with the inability to procreate.

There are many alternatives available today for women and men to consider that were not accessible to previous generations.

The main issue is whether or not one is prepared to become a parent, with all of the sacrifices involved, as well as the rewards of course.

Educating oneself through reading, babysitting, and caring for and enjoying other people’s children does not give a ‘true’ picture of a ‘24-7’ parental responsibility, especially required in infancy, formative childhood, and adolescent years.

Subconsciously, the norm is to repeat the parenting behaviour of one’s own parents, as this is what was modelled in one’s own childhood.

It takes a conscious effort to change and learn new patterns of behaviour in order to parent one’s own children differently, if that is the appropriate thing to do. 

The other issue to consider is whether or not one would choose to be a parent without the ‘right’ partner.

It is difficult enough to parent a child while sharing the responsibility, and even more challenging to do so alone. 

Without a loving, committed relationship with a partner who is capable of assuming a parenting role, one needs to think carefully before becoming a parent oneself.

This is an individual decision; however, one needs to be realistic before entering into the lifelong commitment of parenthood. 

There is no option of ‘divorce’ in the parent-child relationship.